Five Paths to Self-Love
Using love languages to love yourself
By Jane Houseal, Fashion Editorial Assistant
Advice to love yourself is preached constantly, but sometimes knowing where to start is a challenge. How does one actively practice self-love?
Truly loving, or even accepting, yourself can seem like a lofty, unachievable goal. Loving yourself does not happen overnight, it can take years of growth.
Many people give love to others but forget how important it is to turn that love inward. You do not have to reinvent how you love when applying it to yourself. The skills used to communicate affection to others can be transferred to your relationship with yourself.
The book, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,” by Gary Chapman describes five common ways people give and receive love. The book focuses on the love between two people, not a person and themselves. Yet, the five love languages–acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch, quality time and words of affirmation–can be applied throughout your self-love journey.
Acts of Service
Acts of service are typically characterized by doing something for your partner that you know would make their life more convenient. When incorporating acts of service into your self-love routine, it is all about prioritizing what will make your life easier to make more room for joy
These things can seem mundane and difficult to complete when your schedule is packed or you are feeling down, but little tweaks can make the tasks more fun and ultimately, getting them done can relieve a lot of stress.
Start by taking into consideration what you currently need the most. This could be grocery shopping, cleaning your space or purging your closet. Figure out what will bring you the most comfort, and make it fun!
If you're grocery shopping, take the extra time to walk to your favorite grocery store while listening to a podcast. If you’re cleaning, set the timer for 20 minutes and have a simultaneous dance party. Taking care of yourself is intimidating, but it doesn't have to be boring.
Receiving Gifts
This act may seem like an obvious one, but you do not have to spend a lot of money to make it happen. You can even give gifts without spending any money. Dig through your closet and find items you forgot you loved, or assign new meaning to items you already have.
Of course, you can also indulge yourself with things you usually wouldn't. Something as small as a coffee can do the trick.
If you want to do some real shopping, think about what you would want someone to buy you for your birthday. The gift should show you how well you know yourself and bring excitement because you wouldn't normally buy it. After all, you deserve it!
Physical Touch
Physical touch can seem hard to achieve without another person, but there are so many ways to incorporate physical touch into your life without a lover.
Even just showering, a simple everyday act, can become a luxurious experience to improve your relationship with yourself. A long hot shower can be physically comforting to many, and it has the ability to relieve symptoms of depression, increase your energy and improve your sleep.
Another way to engage in physical touch is through masturbation. Taking the time to explore your own body and discover all the things that feel good can bring sexual pleasure, relieve stress, improve your mood and help you establish a better relationship with your own body. If you want to combine gift giving and physical touch, you could even treat yourself to a new sex toy!
Loving yourself through physical touch can also be achieved through physical activity. Try a new workout class or go on a scenic walk. It is no secret that moving your body has numerous health benefits and can leave you feeling refreshed and happier. To make working out more appealing, don’t waste time doing exercises you find boring or strenuous. Move your body in a way that helps you appreciate it.
Quality Time
One empowering act of self-love is to learn how to truly appreciate your own company. Starting to spend more time alone can take quite a toll, as many of us learned throughout the pandemic. As life is starting to open up again, it is vital that we remember to make time for ourselves and recognize that being alone does not have to be associated with sadness. Enjoying solitude and even finding peace within it brings confidence and comfort.
Quality time is an opportunity to practice any of the other love languages or to learn a new hobby or skill. Maybe you’ve been wanting to learn to sew or teach yourself guitar. Maybe you just want to be able to cook the perfect pancake. Whatever it may be, take the time to do it and enjoy the process. Your ability to grow and become better at something, or try something that you truly are not good at, is something to be proud of.
Words of Affirmation
You already know what I am going to suggest for this love language—it’s in the name. Affirmations may seem cheesy at first, but they are powerful. Start small, tell yourself things that you already believe. Write it down. Shout it out. Internalize it.
Over time, add more affirmations. Include aspects of yourself you are working to love. Remind yourself of them with sticky notes on your mirror. Even if you are not initially convinced by your words, over time you may start to feel their effects.
In addition to affirmations, you can try more in-depth exercises such as journaling or writing letters to yourself. Tell yourself what you are proud of, list your achievements, share your own jokes and take the opportunity to celebrate yourself. Write these letters when you’re feeling good about yourself, but also force yourself to when you’re not.
There is no linear path to self-love. It is not all self-indulgence and bad-bitch mantras, but a lot of effort and trial and error. Just as you would with a new friend, take the time you need to foster a beautiful relationship with yourself. If you feel at a loss, discover your love language and start there. You don’t need anyone else to love yourself—just you.
Sources:
Jagoo, K. Does masturbation affect mental health? (2021, January 22). Verywell Mind.
Robinson, L. The mental health benefits of exercise. (2022, March 11). HelpGuide.org.